it's jokes
What did the author say when he got a correct answer? "I got it right!"
It's been known that Michael Jackson decided to do a song for the soundtrack for Free Willy, because he thought that he would get free willy in exchange for composing a song.
Me: *gets down on one knee*
Girlfriend: OMG, it's finally happening!
Me: *falls over*
Girlfriend: The poison is kicking in.
Why do you call a pineapple a pineapple?
Because it is a pineapple, pin, apple, apple, pen, doudodo.
After having a win at bingo, Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea.
During the meal, her daughter asked her mum what it was, to which she replied with a little smile... "It's what I call your father."
Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin', "Oh My God! Don't eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!"
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but they're very tiny and we're not sure how they got in there.
Why is flour retarded?
Because it's in-bread.
It's easy to tell if a skeleton is lying to you because you can see right through them.
When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."
Guys, can we change pride month to another month, please? My birthday is in June, and I'm not gay, and my friends keep making fun of me. I think we should change it to March because my brother's birthday is in March, and that'd be funny.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, he's not coming.
I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.
How to get rid of your depression:
1. Stop self-pitying.
2. Realize you can't.
3. Fucking deal with it.
You're welcome.
Is depression sadness or happiness? I call it a fun time.
Never hide something behind a bookshelf. It's the oldest trick in the book!
Kids, next time you have school dinners, make sure you have something you actually like so you don't have to shove all your food over to one side of the plate to make it look like you've eaten more than you actually have.
People at school thought I had special powers. It was something called "Constant supervision."
What do you say to a clock?
"What time is it?"
Friend: Wanna hear a joke?
Orphan Friend: Sure.
Friend: Parents.
Other: I don't get it.
Friend: And you never will.
A son walks up to his dad and says, "Dad! I just had sex for the first time."
The dad goes, "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it?"
The son says, "I can't sit right now, my butt is very sore."