it's jokes

Once upon a time, there was a crow with a piece of cheese in its mouth. Then a fox came, and when he saw the piece of cheese, he tried to trick the crow. He said that the crow's voice was beautiful, and then he said he wanted to hear him sing, so the crow started singing, and then the piece of cheese fell out of his mouth. He said never trust anyone, and then he walked away.

Why do they call it abortion? Because they aborted the mission.

R.I.P. on a tombstone normally means "Rest In Peace"; however, in Madeleine McCann's case, it means "Raped In Portugal".

A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let’s hear,” said the teacher.

“My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”

Pin drop silence in the class!

"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

“Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk...!!!”

Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂

Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.

Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.

I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

How many babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Must be more than 9 cause my basement is still dark.

It's muffi time, 'cause I wanna die, die, die.

If you drop something, make your short friend get it.

I don't get people who treat you like shit and cross your boundaries, then are surprised when you have depression.

It's because of them after all. 🥰✨️

My mom and I went to a bank. Hard to say I never heard of it. The name is "Addison Banks."

LOL

I'd make a joke about the chin bones, but y'all couldn't mandle it.

Yo mama so stupid... she stared at an orange juice carton because it said, "CONCENTRATE!"

when is it normal to freeze before being raped?

when a policeman rapes you.

Your mom sings "It's the Final Countdown" while pooping.

I’m rather relaxed about death.

From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.

Did you hear about the exciting new drug they developed for lesbians with depression? They call it: TRICOXAGIN.

The Past, Present & Future walked into a bar.

It was tense!

You think you're funny? Look at your hairline; it looks like a McDonald's sample.

Trump built a wall that Mexicans can't get over it.

I made a website for orphans.

It doesn't have a home page.