it's jokes
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.
The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"
How does Moses brew his coffee?
He brews it.
What did COVID say to the American?
Nothing, it just took its breath away...
Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the gay man's house?
Knock knock, it's the gay man. There's a chicken at my house.
If an orphan took a photo, what would it be called?
A self-me.
What is large, grey, and it doesn't matter? An Irrelephant! Hahahahahahahahaha! Hahaha!
What did the chicken say when he saw a human running around uncontrollably?
"It's running around like a chicken with its head cut off!"
Yo mama is so ugly that when she turned on the TV, it changed channels by itself.
I just took an orange soda bath this morning. The next thing I knew, it turned out to be a river of Orange Crush.
What did the dog say when he got its tail caught in the door?
"It won't be long now..."
What did the human say to the fly when it was buzzing around the human's head?
"Would you stop bugging me!"
Is it classed as down under if you eat out an Australian chick?
What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
"Beat it. We’re closed."
[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.
Timmy: Stupid motherfucker.
Jimmy: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Timmy: *starts crying*
Jimmy: Ah fuck, I did it again.
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Neverlands! (I love this joke because it never grows old.)
Your mum is so fat, when she slept on the bed, the bed cracked and they had to replace it by a dinosaur.
Did you know Princess Diana's last dress she wore was white? But afterwards, it was red.
I would make a joke, but it won't be as explosive as the others.