it's jokes

Jerry Garcia: I’m going on a TRIP today!

Bob Weir: Where are you going?

Jerry Garcia: I’m already on it. 😯🦄🌈

Why did the sun not go to college? Because it already has a million degrees!

This isn't a joke, I repeat, this is not a joke. The plane in Lake Harriet is not in the lake. It is invisible because of the satellite pic, so there's no plane in Lake Harriet.

Why can’t orphans go to McDonald’s? It’s a family company.

Why did the wall fall over?

A drunk driver hit it going 90mph and died.

A fat man was checking his weight and sucking in his fat belly. A physicist saw it and said that's not how the law of conservation of mass works.

Plot twist: The fat man jumped on the physicist and proved him wrong. Now the physicist doesn't have mass.

I gave the blind kid a gun and said it was a hairdryer.

How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.

Hey Qwen, it's me.

My dad walked in on me having sex with a dog. She gasped and shouted at me, "Get out of here, it's my turn!"

If you were to ask me, "Where would be the worst place to commit a crime?" I would say a multi-storey car park, because if you think about it, it would be wrong on so many levels.

Son: Dad, I need a new butt.

Dad: Why, son?

Son: Because mine has a huge crack in it.

Orphans are human too! They have parents like all of us, so I don't know why they're saying it's fun to make fun of an orphan. Have you ever been too cold and wondered if your parents are going to have another child and not you? That's not funny! It is %9000,000 NO!!!!!!!!!!

Hey, what are those things on your arms? They look like cuts. Wait, what? No, it's just marker. Nothing else...

That moment when you think the music is loud enough to fart and no one would notice, but then you realize that you have headphones on.

Why is Pluto a dwarf planet?

Because it looks like a g-nome.

Q: I often think I'm ugly, but then I think of my sister and get over it.

One day when I was driving around our children's school with my wife, she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did, we heard a loud, long scream.

Why does a cow love music?

Because it can play a moo-sical instrument.

Why is the beach friendly?

Because it waves!