it's jokes
My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."
The cannibal says to the other cannibal, "I like it when humans fall from the sky because then they are meateor."
What does a frozen loading screen and a Make-A-Wish kid have in common?
They both couldn't make it all the way.
What did the orphan's mum say before she abandoned her child?
OH it's a bitch.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Your mom." "Your mom who?" "It's not your mom, it's my mom!"
What do you call a traffic light that tells you, "Don't look, I am changing!"
The moment when you're too depressed to fantasize about death--it's so tiring.
I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself.
What is the difference between the subway guy and a priest?
The subway guy didn’t get away with it...
Why is it better to date an orphan?
Their parents are never home.
I'm writing a movie about 9/11. It's called "September 11th Two Thousand Fun."
Girlfriend: Babe, what do you think of our love?
Me: Look at the stars in the sky.
Girlfriend: Aww... it’s infinity, right?
Me: No, it’s a waste of time.
Girlfriend: I’m breaking up with you.
Me: Whatever, when I take out the trash, I think of you.
It is not funny about kidnapping.
Hey guys, so we have a friend group and we need followers and people! So far it's me and Royal. If you want to join just comment why and you're in unless people have reasons to not want you!
You failed Helen Keller's speech class? It's okay, she's not a very good speaker.
When someone got the ghost in them, sound in the Priest Busters.
When something strange and it ain't no who you gonna call? Priest Busters.
Do you put a baby in the microwave covered or uncovered?
Covered, it can take weeks to clean up the explosion.
Yo, look, they give me and my girl free pizza and a big bottle of rabbit wine. Yay, yay! Don't drink too much of it; you might turn into a wine rabbit.
This morning, I was in the kitchen, and I saw a whole bunch of leftover brownies made from scratch. I just tasted one and spit it out because somebody put some goddamn weed in them, what the fuck!
I gave the blind kid a gun and said it was a hair dryer.