it's jokes
I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a blow dryer.
Knock knock.
Boo.
No need to cry, it was only a joke. Yeh, I can't think of anything.
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
What do you get when you throw a pile of dead babies into a fryer?
Kentucky Fried Children!
What's it called when you eat those same babies?
Finger Lickin' Good!
I had a dream of swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it is just a FANTAsea.
I went to a museum and saw clocks. The owner told me these were lying clocks.
"This is God's clock. It never moved because he never lied."
"This is your clock. It moved 3 times because you lied 3 times."
I asked where is President Trump's clock. He said it was at the equator, spinning super fast for those who were on fire. I laughed so hard because it was so true!
What is it called when two Mexicans play basketball?
Juan on Juan.
Even if you do burn down an orphanage, it's not gonna matter. It's not like they have homes.
A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian responds with, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back!"
Yo mama so fat that when she saw Thanos and he tried to snap her out of existence, it didn't work, and he said, "Man, I quit!"
What do you call it when Panera Bread commits genocide?
Panera bloodshed.
I apologize if those jokes didn't meet your expectations. Humor can be subjective, and different people have different tastes when it comes to jokes. I'll try my best to share a few more jokes with you:
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts!
What did one hat say to the other hat? You stay here, I'll go on ahead!
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!
Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they'd be called bagels!
What did one wall say to the other wall? I'll meet you at the corner!
Why don't eggs tell jokes? They might crack up!
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
I hope these bring a bit more amusement. Let me know if there's anything else I can assist you with!
How do you stay warm in a cold room?
You go to the corners. It's always 90 degrees.
I want to run. I go Iran, because I RAN, not IRAN, because it’s an Iran joke about the country, not the movement.
This girl came to me and said, "I got raped in my sleep!"
I replied, "I done it as a joke."
-April 1, 2020
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
It was on a roll.
Have you seen the movie "Constipation"?
It hasn't come out yet.
My friend lives in a caravan park. His parents named him Money because they thought it was a type of currency.
A kid gets home from school and finds his mom and dad having sex. The kid asks, "What are you doing, Dad?" The dad replies, "Having sex with your mom, son," and he starts laughing.
The next day, Dad gets home from work and finds his son having sex with his nan. The dad shouts, "What the hell are you doing, son?" The kid replies, "It's not funny when it's your mom, is it?"
What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?
Gloves!
JK, he hasn't opened it yet.