it's jokes
I’d tell you a Chinese joke, but it’s wong.
I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.
Dark jokes are just like food.
Not everyone gets it.
English: It's the story of two potatoes, one gets mashed and the other screams “Oh mash!”
French: C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre. Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie “Oh purée!”
I should probably stop making emo jokes.
They just don't seem to cut it anymore.
Your head so big you can wash a big TV on it!
If Shaq had a boat, he would name it "Freethrow," because he would never sink it.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It picks cotton.
Q: Where do you bury the people killed in 9/11?
A: It's already done for you.
I got an Xbox achievement the other day. It said "Trash Master," and everyone looked at me at the funeral.
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.
Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook!
What makes a joke a dad joke? When it leaves and doesn't come back.
Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg.
P1: Why did the chicken cross the road?
P2: To get to the other side DUH?!?
P1: No dumbass, it's to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me).
P2: Holy shit are u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*
Why are priests called father? Because it's too suspicious to call them daddy.
Why did the bike fall over?
'Cause it was wheely tired.
Did you hear about Johnny Depp's shelter for abused women? It's going as well as Michael Jackson's children's hospital!
If an orphan takes a photo... Well done! It's a family photo!
I don't like it when people make 9/11 jokes. My dad was in it.
He was the best damn pilot in Saudi Arabia.
To start, I'm a big fella in size.
I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.