it's jokes
Why did the parachute break up with the skydiver?
Because it was tired of being taken for granted every time things fell apart.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
I can't put it down.
How do you help a suicidal person cheer up?
You tell them it's a leap of faith.
When a bomb goes off, they call it an explosion.
When Keemstar exposes someone, they call it an exposion.
Your forehead is so big that it was used as a billboard.
What can change color and get beat up?
You.
I found this game, it's like flappy bird: https://terrorist.group/
What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."
Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says $30,000.
The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
If your wife says: “What would you most like to do to my body?” “Identify it” is the wrong answer.
Every single person on the plane died except for 2. How is that possible?
It said all the single people died; the 2 were a couple. That's how it was possible.
Roses are red, my blood is too, And I've been seeing it a lot more, since I've lost you.
My mom got a clown for my birthday, but it ended up being my sister. 🤡
My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I'll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.
This city slicker broke down on a country road. He looked around, and in the distance, he spotted a farm house. When he finally got there, he asked the farmer if he had a phone he could use because his had no reception.
The farmer told him he could use it if he married his daughter. The guy said he really didn’t wanna get married, and the farmer said, "If you marry my daughter, I’ll give you half my farm..." The guy said, "Lemme see her..." The farmer hollered, “Hey you, get over here...” and she said, “Duh, ok.” The ol' boy looked at her and said, "Nooo thank you."
The father said, “I’ll give you all my farm and my bank account if you’ll marry my daughter....” The ol' boy thought for a minute and said, “Well I guess I can put a sack over her head.” So they married and the farmer kept his word and gave him everything.
One day the guy was up fixin' the roof and hollered, “Hey you, get me some nails...” His wife said, “Duh, nails, nails?” He said, “Yes, nails,” and showed her one. She said, “Oh, duh, nails, nails.” He said, “Yes, nails.” So she got him some. He was hammering away when he hit his thumb, and he yells, “Oh F*** it!” and she turned and hollered, “Duh, a sack, a sack, duh, a sack!”
Roses are red, you have a nice lip, it would look better if it was on my tit.
Yo hairline is so bad it looks like a fat person's stomach.
What did Goodlife Fitness say to LA Fitness? "I guess it's just not 'working out'!"
If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?
How did a man kill his car? He throttled it.