it's jokes
Where does the resistor go after a long day?
It goes Ohm.
It's not surprising there isn't a whole lot of good tree jokes.
Most foresters have a wooden personality.
Why didn't the seagull fly over the bay? Because it would be a bagel.
How do you get a cow to eat?
Give it mooshrooms!
Why is the eagle a bird with many skills? Because it’s talon-ted!
If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?
If you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?
You get on an elevator and you find the Pope and Donald Trump cowering from two snarling wolves. In your hand you find a revolver with only two bullets in it... what do you do?
You shoot the Pope and the Donald each in a leg and exit the elevator at the next stop.
You know if you poo on the toilet at 11:59 PM...
Then at 12:01 AM, it's just the same shit, different day...
When you're sad, don't feel down about yourself. Break a leg, and you'll forget all about it.
I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back until I realized it is a family business.
What's the difference between Pink Floyd and George Floyd?
When Pink Floyd can't breathe, it's because all their fans are smoking pot.
If your parachute fails midair, remember, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
A guy walks into a zoo, but it only has one dog.
It's a shitzu.
I would've made a joke about Alzheimer's, too bad I forgot about it...
A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"
This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"
An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."
The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"
What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?
An erection!
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"