it's jokes

Q. How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A. Gotta be more than 9 'cause my basement is still dark.

A young boy was talking to his friend about his family:

"My great-grandfather fought against Napoleon, my grandfather fought against the English, my father fought against the Americans, and my uncle against the Argentinians."

The friend replied: "It seems that your family can't get along with anybody!"

Yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued," and it said, "Fuck you."

Me: Dark humor jokes are like a mother's love.

Orphan: How come?

Me: You wouldn't get it.

Orphan: . . . .

Why did the baby cow cross the road?

To find its mom who has the milk.

What does it sound like when a dragon sings? A fire alarm.

Why was Santa Santa?

Because it was Santa! Hahahaha 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Why did the penis go fly?

Because a girl sucked it too hard, it went flying away.

Yo momma so fat, when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down!

If you jump off a building and yell "parkour," how can they tell that it was intentional? T'was a failed stunt.

James Bond walks into a saloon where Michael J. Fox is tending bar. He says, "I’ll have a martini, shaken, not stirred."

Michael turns to him and says, "How else would I serve it?"

Did you hear about the exciting new drug they developed for lesbians with depression? They call it: TRICOXAGIN.

If you don't stop with the puns, soon it won't be so fun.

How many oz of water does it take to screw a light bulb?

None, also what the heck are you doing with water when people in Africa don’t have any?

When is a piece of wood made king?

When it's a ruler.

Walk The Dinosaur-By watersharky Productions and Was(Not Was)-

Boom boom acka-lacka lacka boom Boom boom acka-lacka boom boom

It was a night like this forty million years ago I lit a cigarette, picked up a monkey skull to go The sun was spitting fire, the sky was blue as ice I felt a little tired, so I watched Miami Vice And walked the dinosaur, I walked the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur

I met you in a cave, you were painting buffalo I said I'd be your slave, follow wherever you go That night we split a rattlesnake and danced beneath the stars You fell asleep, I stayed awake and watched the passing cars And walked the dinosaur, I walked the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur

One night I dreamed of New York You and I roasting blue pork In the Statue of Liberty's torch Elvis landed in a rocket ship Healed a couple of leapers and disappeared But where was his beard?

A shadow from the sky much too big to be a bird A screaming crashing noise louder than I've ever heard It looked like two big silver trees that somehow learned to soar Suddenly a summer breeze and a mighty lion's roar I killed the dinosaur, I killed the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody kill the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody kill the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody kill the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody kill the dinosaur

Boom boom acka-lacka lacka boom Boom boom acka-lacka boom boom

If 6 is scared of 7 because 7 8 9, why is ten scared? Because it is in the middle of 9/11.

I went to McDonald's to get a Big Mac. It was for his mom cause she was too fat.

Once there were these two fruitcakes driving in their Pink Porsche. "Oh, this handles so well!" they exclaimed.

Then this Mack truck came around the corner at their stop sign and rear-ended them. The passenger said to his partner, "You tell that man he's gonna pay every single cent 'cause we're going to sue him!"

So the flamer gets out and swishes to tell the trucker to do that very thing. The trucker was a tough who said, "What do you want, wimp?" The gay said, "You just hit our new Pink Porsche, and we're gonna make you pay every single cent 'cause we're gonna sue you!"

The trucker said, "Oh yeah? Blow me!" The gay driver went "Ohhh!" and ran back. The gay partner asked him, "What did he say?" His fruitcake driver said, "Ohhh! It's wonderful, he wants to settle out of court!"

So a woman walks into a magician's toy store and browses the collection. Among which was a black, phallic-looking object. She brings it to the counter and asks, "what's this?"

The cashier explains that it's a magical dildo that will listen to whatever you say, "fuck me in the ass," it'll float in the air and fuck you in the ass, "fuck me in the pussy," it'll float in the air and fuck you in the pussy, "faster," it'll go faster, "harder," it'll go harder. She bought this magical artifact and went home for a night of fun and pleasure.

After receiving several orgasms from the magical dildo, she'd had enough, and she told it to stop, but it didn't. The dildo continued to penetrate her, it would go harder and faster, but it refused to stop or slow down. In a panic, she ran over to her car and drove to the hospital to get it surgically removed. Her panic made her disregard the traffic rules, and she quickly found herself pulled over by a cop. As she pulled down her window, the cop leaned towards the door and asked "Do you have any idea how fast you were going!?", the woman tried to explain the situation, she told the officer about the magical dildo stuck in her pussy, but the officer didn't believe her, "magical dildo, my ass" he said, and the lady drove home.