it's jokes
A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.
However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.
So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.
He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.
The man replies, “No.”
The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”
The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”
“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”
“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”
The Trump cocktail. Take a large glass and fill it with an ounce of everything behind the bar. Top it with whipped cream and a cherry. Now for the hard part: finding a Mexican to pay for it.
Where do you find a dog with no arms or legs?
Where you left it.
One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."
I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice...
What’s a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.
Eric's mom asked her son why his bag was heavy and if it was because of books. Eric replied, "No, magazines."
Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"
Are you corona? Cuz it’s hard to breathe around you ;)
What did the angel say when it went to heaven? Well, halo there!
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well, it was more of a wrap.
My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish.
I started thrashing about and roared, “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”
It was dinner in the plane, and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.
"What are my choices?" the passenger said.
"Yes or no," the flight attendant replied.
How do you fit a baby in a bowl? ... A blender... and how do you get it out?
Tortilla chips.
What time is it when you can drive a house? Time to get a wheelchair.
What does it sound like when a dragon sings? A fire alarm.
Why did the silly boy take the Christmas tree to a barber?
Because his mother said it needed to be trimmed.
Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)
Why does the mushroom 🍄 have many friends?
Because it’s a fungi.
What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.