it's jokes

The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.

A new burger has been invented in memory of Stephen Hawking.

I doubt it will sell though, as it's 95% cabbage.

My phone was at 10%, and my friend said it better not shut down like Stephen Hawking.

Q: The person who makes it doesn't say what it is.

The person who receives it doesn't know what it is.

The person who knows what it is doesn't want it.

What am I?

A: A baby.

Be warned, if you are in the shower, I might pikachu and it's not my fault if I see any jigglypuffs.

Never invest in funerals. It's a dying industry.

I would tell you a joke about pizza,

but it's too cheesy.

It's weird how Stephen Hawking's last name sounds like "walking and talking," but he could not do either of those!

It sucks that Stephen Hawking died so soon, the new Intel update just came out.

I saw Stephen Hawking using an ATM. It is nice to see he had found someone before he shut down.

I heard he's doing a revival tour next month. It's called "Stephen Hawking Unplugged."

Have you seen the new movie "Constipated"?

No, it hasn't come out yet.

Stephen Hawking never wrote a book... it was a Dragon who was naturally speaking.

In about ten days, Stephen Hawking's wheelchair is going to have its first and last service.

For one of the most highly regarded minds on the planet, it is a shame he could not create a longer-lasting battery.

A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun.

The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up... you're next!"

Three Europeans come to America. They are all captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.

So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.

They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a BANANA!!"

Wanna hear a joke about corn?

Never mind, it's too corny.

Want to hear a joke about pizza?

Never mind, it's too cheesy.

Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?

So you can see the look on its face as you climax.