it's jokes
What's harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?
My dick while I'm doing it.
I fell from the stairs the other day. It really "got me down."
Why didn't Hitler's girlfriend like giving him a blowjob? It left a Nazi taste in her mouth...
Why can't Stephen Hawking go metal detecting?
Because when it beeps, it's him!
So I was on Google, and on my computer it had Windows. When Stephen Hawking died, it shut down, the shutdown sound played, and wouldn't turn on again.
You wanna hear a joke about my penis?
Never mind, it’s too long.
You wanna hear a joke about my penis?
Don’t worry, it’s too long.
As a hobby, I started taking walks around the old clock tower.
It's a great way to pass the time.
My friend texted me and asked me, "Hey. What's your favorite emoji?"
I said, "😬😬😬😬😬😬😬"
She said, "Why?"
I said, "'Cause it's your twin."
Why couldn’t the bike stand up?
Because it was “two tired”!
Yo mama is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "One at a time, please."
Why is helium so expensive? It is due to inflation.
My friend had no school because of heavy snow. Guess you could say it was a snow school day!
What is a box called when a cough dies in it?
A coffin.
How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?
Apparently not enough to impress him.
Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to talk to me.
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common?
That it will never get old.
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.
What was the chip doing at the hairdressers?
It was getting a crinkle cut.
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor? You nail its other hand to the floor.