it's jokes
What is a prisoner's favorite punctuation?
A period.
Why?
Because it marks the end of a sentence.
When you were born your mother said, "Oh, what a treasure!" Your father said, "Yeah, let’s go bury it."
Landing on its feet won't help a cat in China...
Wanna hear a paper joke? Nvm, it's terrible.
How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
There are two muffins baking in the oven. One muffin says to the other, “Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?”
The other muffin says, “AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!”
What did one plane say to the other?
"It’s been a long day, I’m ready to crash."
Other plane: "No you’re not, we haven’t even gotten high yet!"
1. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
2. Oh, you’re talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.
3. My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.
Ya gotta hand it to short people...
It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
I think I might apply for a job cleaning mirrors.
It’s a job I can see myself doing.
I saw a sign that said, "Falling Rocks." I tried it, and it doesn't.
Dad: Hey, have you seen that new movie, "Constipation"?
Son: No.
Dad: It hasn't come out yet.
Hi, here's a joke: You're wasting your time and space, you know it... :D
Sally threw herself a birthday party, and only one person showed up. Who is it?
The grim reaper.
I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger, then it hit me.
Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell?
Because it’s a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.
Want to hear a joke? It's called life.
My mom told me she couldn't open the garage door. Then it opened up to me that it wasn't broke anymore.
An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.
*A few minutes later*
son: There.
mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?
son: Dad showed me before he died.
mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*