it's jokes
What's the difference between MetaCareForAll and the resurrection of our lord and savior Jesus Christ?
One of them is an unrealistic fantasy that can never come true because it wouldn't work. The other one is the resurrection our lord and savior Jesus Christ.
When I was born the doctors said, "it's a boy!" Then when they went to cut the umbilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said, "Oh, it's a girl."
A joke: my life, hahahahaha! Wait, it's not funny.
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.
They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...
I’m reading a book on antigravity right now.
It’s impossible to put down.
I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...
Good news is, I got one sick selfie!
Have you heard about the movie about constipation?
Me neither, it hasn't come out yet.
I bought these trainers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced it with, but I have been trippin' all day.
A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system.
He agrees and the doctors turn the dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby and the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.
When your friend gets involved with someone, it affects the friendship. Whenever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend, we should say I looked like the person you used to know, but I've been modified to survive in this relationship. If we have an argument and she's there, I might disagree with you; I'd rather continue to see her naked.
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she'll let it go!
It was an emotional wedding, even the cake was in tiers.
Why didn’t Steven Hawking go to heaven? Because it was a stairway, not a rampway.
Why can't you tell anyone about space?
Because it's too out of this world!
Yo mama so fat even Dora can't explore it.
What happens when a computer thinks it knows better than a human?
Ask Boeing.
My dad and I have been playing hide and seek.
It's been 15 years and I still haven't found him.
Heh heh, get it? 69! Ha ahahaha!
Why did the bodybuilder go to the crustacean church?
Because it was a good source of mussel mass!