it's jokes
If a person shoots a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful, or is it murder?
The clock struck one!
Then down did come!
Hickory dickory doc
What am I?
Random- a mouse?
Me- no dumb shit!
Random- what is it?
Me- the guillotine!
- Why is that flight waiting at 30,000 feet height?
- One tire became flat. They are changing it in the middle of the journey.
What did the father bullet say to the baby bullet when he killed a bull by hitting it in the eye: "Bull's eye!"
My brother told me he wanted to find a golden apple tree in real life. I told him it was a fruitless mission.
I wanted to visit my pet fish, but it was hard to sea it through the darkness.
How do you catch a polar bear?
Cut a hole in the ice, put peas around it, when the polar bear goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
My sister got mad when I told her to say this word 10 times, and she got in trouble, and it was a funny word that she did not even know what she was saying, ahhahaha! 😆 lol
What's a good way to masturbate?
Get somebody to do it for you.
What's better than sex with your 12 year old sister?
Rolling her over and pretending it's your 10 year old brother.
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick it up and suck it off...
I brought a new pen that can write underwater. It can also write other words.
You wanna know why Stephen Hawking isn't going to heaven?
Because it's a stairway, not a ramp.
I live in a world made of cheese. Someone stubbed their toe and screamed, "Cheese-its, Christ!"
Vital information: if you find a stray dog in an alleyway, don't stare at its eyes.
Two girls have a sleepover.
Karen: Let's go to bed.
Lauren: Fine, but it's early.
*Karen wakes up and exits room*
*Lauren hears noise*
Mikey: You're so much better than my girlfriend, Karen.
Lauren: *laughs*
Lauren: *remembers her boyfriend is Karen's brother, Mikey*
Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone, you ugly two-faced hypocrite!
Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don’t like ugly peasants.
Man: Your hair color is fabulous.
Woman: I hate your hair color, though.
Man: You look like a dream.
Woman: Then open your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, hypocrite!
Man: I can tell that you want me.
Woman: Yes, I want you dead.
R.I.P.
Man: Hey, baby, what’s your sign?
Woman: F*** you, pedophile!
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services for pedophiles.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down, you little peasant.
Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Every other woman I see looks ugly. Bleuch!
Woman: How dare you!
Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore. I saw you playing with boxes in the store room and saying "I AM KING OF THE WORLD!"
He: I'm Nike, and you're McDonalds.
She: Why?
He: 'Cause I'm doing it, and you're loving it. :)
What was the oak tree's response to the apple tree's joke?
You should leaf it alone!
How do you make a fruit punch?
You give it a pair of boxing gloves.