IT jokes
How many Emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they sit in the dark crying.
None, they sit in the dark cutting their wrists.
My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.
I told him my dad never came back with it.
Why did Naruto stop trying to get at Sakura?
Why?
Because it would be useless. :)
What did Vegeta say to Bulma?
What?
Can I show you my new move? It's called BIG BANG ATTACKKKK! :)
Why can’t the orphan play baseball?
It can’t find home.
How many emissions does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.
What's the difference between when I opened the window in a car wash and when Kawhi Leonard did it? At least my dad didn't get shot in the eye.
If there was a zombie apocalypse, girls would make a "forehead apocalypse" since it is so big.
Violence isn't the answer. It's the question, and the answer is yes.
I was on a website doing homework, and there was this funny a** commercial banner saying: "Eat a bag of Dick's!" It was the funniest sh*t ever!
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
Global warming will kill every single person on this planet.
It's a good thing I'm married.
Why do terrorists like the Twin Towers?
It's the next thing they blow up.
For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:
Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."
Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."
Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."
Rodd Flanders: What's "gay" mean?
Bart: Uh, it means you used to be afraid, but now you're not.
Rodd says to his dad Ned: I'm gay, Daddy.
Helen Keller def faked it.
What do gay people call fighting? It can't be beef, so...
Carrots?
Have you seen the Justin meme?
Yeah, the ones that cracked at Fortnite?
Just-in time for deez nuts.
Bruh.
But actually, it's a parody.
Wait, actually?
Parodiesnuts (pair of deez nuts).
Two muffins are in an oven.
One says, "Man, it is hot in here!"
The other one says, "OMG, a talking muffin!"
It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.