IT jokes
Have you heard about kids with AIDS?
It never gets old.
Neona (😞): Are you mad at me?
Gwen (😌): Me? NEVER! Sometimes we listen and don't listen, let's just hug it out!
Neona (😁): Agreed!
Me: Yo wanna play 9/11?
My Friend: What’s that?
Me: It’s a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
I stood in front of the mirror. "Joseph, I will love and protect you forever," my dick cooed. I looked down at it, a single crystalline tear sliding down my face. I was at peace.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
Why does new pavement smell like butt?
In other words you can also call it asphalt.
Ass-phalt.
Why did the gym close down?
Because it just didn't work out.
What do you say to your pony when it's being wild?
Stop horsing around!
Want to hear a joke about paper?
Never mind, it's tearable.
Do you want to hear a building joke?
I am still working on it.
In this modern age, I feel as though it's inappropriate to make jokes about herbs and fish.
It's not the thyme or the plaice for it.
It's tricky when you're both a moth and a sea captain in charge of a ship, but up ahead, you see a lighthouse.
Would you mind just peeing into this cup, please? It's the one the annoying receptionist uses.
And there's the referee taking down Ronaldo's number.
Not really the time or the place, but it's good to see that we've kept homophobia out of football.
I find it difficult to count to ten in French: un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept.
I can't say the next one because I have a "huit" allergy.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Mother!
Mother who?
It's your mother.
I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"
And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"
How many victims does Shaw have?
We don’t know yet. It’s four years and counting.
I'll give you an A because you're awesome.
B because you're beautiful.
A C because you're caring.
And I'll give you this D cuz you deserve it.
Life is like a box of chocolates. It gets finished pretty quickly if you're a fat guy.