IT jokes
Some guy interviewed me and asked how it felt to kill thousands of people. I replied, “I don’t know. I’ve only killed communists.”
A dog walked into a tavern and said, "I can't see a thing. I'll open this one."
The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.
A dog walked into a tavern and said, “I can’t see a thing. I’ll open this one.” The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.
6 was afraid of 7 because 7 8 9.
Why was 10 scared?
Because it's in the middle of 9/11!
My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.
How many terrorists does it take to tile a roof?
It depends on how thin you slice them.
A farmer artificially impregnated a cow. The cow said to another cow, "It's a miracle, I'm pregnant." The other cow said, "That's impossible, it's only us cows in the field, you must be joking." The first cow said, "Nope, I'm serious... no bull!"
If your baby can unhook your bra, is it time to stop breastfeeding?
I can’t take credit for this joke; it’s not mine.
Remember that time Joe Biden fell off his bike? He said it’s not his fault. He blamed the tires for being too inflated.
Why do the brakes keep squealing?
Because the driver hit it too hard.
What did the pirate say when he saw a ghost? He said, "Oh my God, it's me dead parrot!"
One day, I was walking through a park when I realized it was crowded.
To this day, I still don't know who let the children out of my basement.
I make phones for orphans. Sadly, it has no home button.
Saying a Kobe joke after he died tends to ignite a fire in the people you say it to.
What did the pickle do on the road?
It said, "I'm Pickle Rick!"
What happens when there's ten people in one house and they all have to shit and there's one bathroom?
It's a motherfucking shitshow party!
What do you call it when a cow gets disciplined by her parents?
Grounded beef.
Why do orphans become criminals?
To feel what it is like to be wanted.
Why do most orphans become criminals?
Then finally they know what it’s like to be wanted.
"We can't go under... We can't go over... Oh no, we got to go through it!"