Weather is like sex. Once in a while you need to get wet.
When I masturbate, things cum.
When an old man does, no one cums.
What's the best part about having sex with twenty-seven year olds?
There's twenty of them!
What do you call two Mexicans having sex? 50 Shades of Brown.
If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...
A fan gave another fan a blowjob.
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Stop and apply lubrication.
What's the definition of trust?
Two cannibals giving each other blowjobs.
Is sex a joke? Because I don't get it.
I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.
Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.
He: "Do you smoke after sex?"
She: "I don't know. I've never looked."
How do you really piss off your girlfriend while having sex?
Call her on the phone.
Why is baby shampoo the best anal lube?
No more tears.
What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?
Honey, I'm home!
