Getting murdered by someone is probably the most intimate experience I'll ever have.
A girl and boy are in bed after sex. The boy goes, “I can’t believe they got together after all that shit.” The girl says, “Who?” The boy goes, “My ass cheeks.”
There is a party in my mouth, and your dick is invited.
Why does the large dildo not have any friends?
He's a pain in the ass.
Why doesn't Helen Keller's boyfriend like having sex with her?
'Cause she just lies there like she's dead.
My wife and I have been married over 30 years, but don’t get me wrong, we still perform tricks in the bedroom.
I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.
Can you fuck me, please?
What does your girl do to me? She sucks me off.
When you’re having the best sex in your life and your grandma says, “I’m not dead!”
What's the best thing about a blowjob?
- The silence.
Kenny's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I gave him a thumb and forefinger job.
She invited me in the house, and we started makin' out again.
Why is Johnson's baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?
- No more tears.
What's a good way to masturbate?
Get somebody to do it for you.
My dick is hard, what's your name?
Only one of Kenny's girlfriends has ever said he's good in bed.
But she has to. She's his mom.
Last time I got a piece of ass was when my finger went through the toilet paper.
There’s no I in sex but there’s a U in cum
Kaden wants to have sex with you.
Once, there was a couple about to have sex. "I have something to confess," said the shy wife. The husband then said, "Whatever it is, I will still love." The wife then said, "Honey, I'm flat chested." The husband said, "It's okay, I'm a baby down there anyways." He then pulled down his pants and began to have sex.
The next day, the wife said, "I thought you were a baby down there." The husband then said, "I am; 22 inches and 7 pounds."
