INS jokes
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because he forgot to plug in the charger.
He was walking in the city as he was walking in the city as he was walking in the city as he was walking in the city as he was walking in the city as he was walking in the city hall in French, and then on his way to be a good friend of the situation in the city, as he had been fixed in a few hours of the situation in which he was walking. I will never shiver at the sight [of] words.
Má ég fara heim?
(In an infant-esque voice.)
Who is the world's fastest reader?
The Twin Towers, they blew through 86 stories in 5 seconds.
I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called "serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.
Why is that a joke?
Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.
Why is that a joke?
Dude, come on, you want to start your day off happy or not?
Why is that a joke?
She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.
No seriously, dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.
me when i get called on in class
How to Make an Orphan cry
Step 1: Talk about Home.
Step 2: Ask them where their parents are.
Step 3: Say, "Bye Bye," and push them in the Batmobile!
What do a man and a blonde do in bed?
Sleep!
I have a dead fish in my lunchbox.
Man, I am jealous of the victims of 9/11. They are the fastest readers, who went through 87 stories in 8 seconds.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They can't find home base.
Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of working girls. Call girls. Hookers. Prostitutes. And the association is a long one, going back to the very earliest legends which place St. Nick as a Greek bishop in Myra, Lycia in what is now the Turkish Mediterranean - three centuries after Christ.
Saint Nicholas is notable primarily for giving secretly to the poor, and supposedly the first to benefit were three young ladies whose poor father couldn't afford wedding or dowry to marry them off - destining them instead to a life of prostitution. St. Nick supposedly threw a bag of gold through the window to pay for the wedding but, by the third attempt, the poor father was watching to determine the identity of the anonymous benefactor. Santa outsmarted him by dropping the last bag of coins down the chimney.
So, whenever you see Santa, he always travels with his three favourite sex workers - who seemingly never grow old. On a quiet, still Christmas night you can even hear him call them.
Ho! Ho! Ho! And to all a good night.
This joke does not work in print, you have to speak it to someone.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Helen Keller.
Helen Keller who?
(Don't say anything).
Helen Keller who?
...you will get a laugh...ty.
I had to run out of the library because I put the cookbooks in the women's sports section.
How to make an orphan's feet bleed? Make them run in place until their parents get them.
An Indian kid walked into the shop and had a curry down because they had no naan bread in stock.
Q: What do Moses and hookers have in common?
A: They've dealt with a burning bush.
Why doesn't Laila in UHS need an insult?
Have a look at her face!
Why did the woman cross the road?
What’s she doing out of the kitchen in the first place?
My mom told me to look for a bill in her file at her home office. Instead, I grabbed my sister's adoption papers.
What do Gay Men and Minorities have in common?
My dad hates them both!