INS jokes
Q: What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
A: One has hope in her soul and one has soap in her hole.
Little Johnny and his mom were sitting in church one day when suddenly Johnny said, "Mom, I think I'm gonna throw up!"
Then his mom said, "Go across the field and into the bushes, hopefully no one will see you there."
Johnny comes back a minute later, and his mom asks, "Did you make it?" Then Johnny said, "No, but there was a box by the door that SAID 'For The Sick!'"
I hate sitting in traffic, I always get run over.
I throw a flashbang in a room full of epileptics...
They were shaking in excitement!
Your hairline goes so far back, we learned about it in history class.
I donated blood today. In the future, I will try to remember that I'm supposed to donate my blood only.
In memory of Michael Jackson, Starbucks and various other establishments are introducing the Jackson tea. It's 50 year old water, with a 7 year old tea bag.
Where do rape victims live?
In kennels.
What do an abortion and a baby have in common?
The mom doesn't want either of them.
What's the difference between a Lambo and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Lambo in my garage.
I got sent out of a library for putting a women's rights book in the fiction section.
Kids in the backseat make accidents, and accidents in the back seat make kids.
What is it called when the gynecologist slanders your grandfather?
A pap smear.
A woman goes to buy a parrot.
There is one for 200, 500, and one for 15 bucks.
She asks why the last one is so cheap.
The man at the counter says, "It used to live in a brothel/sex house."
The lady buys it anyway.
When she gets home, it says, "Fuck me, a new brothel!"
When her daughters get home, it says, "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!"
When the father gets home, the parrot says, "Fuck me, Daryl, haven't seen you in the brothel in weeks!"
What do women and appliances have in common?
If they don't work, hit them until they work.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
An RC-XD.
Why did Monika look at the recycling bin with tears in her eyes?
Because she realized she just couldn't delete her feelings for you...
One day, Johnny told his dad that a girl in his class liked him. He thought she was cute. She said, "Aw, you're like candy!" He didn't say anything. He said, "Why don't you think I am sweet like candy?" Little Johnny said, "Well, sometimes I get a toothache, and it hurts, so I stop eating it, like I stopped liking you."
In the hospital, they need to keep the disabled patients' rooms cooler than the other patients' rooms.
Why?
They need to keep the vegetables cool and crisp.
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
The way you talk is so slow that they put you in the movie Fast and Furious and changed the title to Slow and Serious!!!😂😂😭