INS jokes
There are millions of people in the world, yet you are here.
The two biggest dyslexic guy lies: "My check is in your mouth," and "I won't come in your mailbox."
Never drink tea in school... I give people tea if they've passed out... tea can be nice, but only have it once a day... It's not what you think... It's not tea, it's CPR.
I told my Mum, "Will you remember me in 6 minutes, 6 hours, 6 years?"
She said, "Yes."
"Knock knock."
I said, "My mum, who's there? You didn’t remember me!"
Knock knock. Who's there? Oswald. Oswald who? Oswald my Halloween candy and now it's stuck in my throat!
Why are your eyes blue? Cuz they have food coloring in them.
What do you call two skeletons dancing in a tin can?
Noise!
Like, if you hate wearing a mask.
Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!
True story by the way.
"Gwen, this was a fake look in the comments!"
My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.
What’s blue and comes in brownies?
Cub Scouts.
What do a circle and a sphere have in common?
They're round, and round is a shape.
Why can't an orphan be in a Scream movie?
It's always someone you know.
Why do orphans like Monopoly?
To cry about the money they can’t earn in real life.
Your momma is so fat, she was in a movie and the screen broke!
Your mom is so small that she can fit in the luggage.
My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!
I was absolutely fuming when I found out my mate was rifling through my mum's knicker drawer.
No one goes in there without my permission!
Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.
What do you and Joe Biden have in common?
Nobody loves you or him.