INS jokes
Iran? More like tin can, cause we’re going to kick their teeth in, am I right?
Adding a "gl" in front of "camping" doesn't make it any better.
If you add a "gl" in front of "Adolf Hitler," it doesn't make him a great guy.
What is the difference when I have my dick in your mouth or when you have yours in mine?
Oh, I forgot, you don't got one, bitches, suck my dick.
What happened when the gun dealer found his pistol in his shoe?
He found that he had a piece in his sole!
What was a pedophile's hardest thing? Fitting in!
Why don't people play hide-and-seek in the number 4?
Because it would take forever. Get it? "For-ever" and "4" four, so "four ever."
Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!
Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.
Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?
Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.
Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.
Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.
Brother 2: You monster.
Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?
Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.
Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.
Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!
Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.
Brother 1: Found them.
*imaginary mother and brother fade away*
Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.
Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.
What's the difference between a Christian and a child who believes Santa exists?
Nothing. They both believe in fairytales!
9/11 pilots are the best readers.
They went through 30 stories in less than an hour.
What do you tell someone who has depression?
Answer: Just hang in there.
What did the make-a-wish kid say when the Avengers turn up without Tony Stark?
"We are in the endgame now!"
Jeffy: I need a new butt. My old one has a crack in it.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
What is harder than steel?
Michael Jackson in a playground.
Why did the kid go in the guy's van?
Answer: He thought he was being adopted.
If Stephen Hawking was in a horror movie, would he make his robot try and shout, "Aaaaaaaah! Help me, I can't move! I'm too scared!"?
Roses are red, my name is Dan...
TDM, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!
Will: Let's bring Hannibal a gift today!
Beverly: Yeah, I bet he’d love that!
Will: Yey!
Beverly: What should we bring him?
Will: *holds up a bucket and knife with an insane looking smile* Come in the bucket!
How do you eat a meat?
You steak it in your mouth.
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.