INS jokes

Why do emo kids sneak up on their Vietnamese grandfathers? Because they hope the war experience kicks in.

I made a joke about putting babies in the microwave and got told I was a disgusting person.

So from now on I’ll only make baby in the deep fryer jokes.

Guys, can we change pride month to another month, please? My birthday is in June, and I'm not gay, and my friends keep making fun of me. I think we should change it to March because my brother's birthday is in March, and that'd be funny.

Thomas Jefferson’s 80th b-day bash be like:

Jackson: "CALHOUN! YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME - IN BED WITH THE CONSTITUTION??"

I had to go to my friend's house.

I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... Is my friend OK???

Who are the fastest readers?

9/11 victims, they went through 91 stories in 11.2 seconds.

I was in the bedroom slapping your girl harder than Will at the Oscars.

What do you call a black man in the dark?

- Nothing.

I met a gay guy last night.

Man, was he a pain in the ass.

Why was the chicken screaming?

He had an egg stuck in his butt.

My mom bought me a car, and she called me an ungrateful b*tch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time.

Man, my brother has a tight, buttered butthole. The veins in my cock throb when he comes over!

What do clothes and emo kids have in common?

They both get hung.

When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.

I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.

Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! 🤬😡

So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time.

Your hairline is in a different area code.

In 1492 Christopher Columbus sailed the ocean blue.

He sat on a rock, tickled his cock, until it turned red, white, and blue!

Two magicians were in a competition. The first one did magic, and the second started counting down, "3, 2," but before he said the last number, he 1.

What do you call an orphan in a wheelchair running into fire?

Hot wheels.