INS jokes
I've just been fired from the clock-making factory after all those extra hours I put in.
What does a girl want more than anything in the world?
Nothing. She's fine.
What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.
There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.
What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common? They both want to get there before the hare does.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a light bulb? Obviously not 8, because it's still dark in my basement.
To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.
Today I was asked to go out by 20 girls. -- I was in the women's bathroom.
What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
According to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.
Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.
"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."
"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words...
"Lazy."
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."
I'm American, and I'm sick of people saying America is "the stupidest country in the world." Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone...
In my spare time I help blind children. -- I mean the verb, not the adjective.
"Son, I found a condom in your room."
"Gee, thanks, Grandpa!"
"Why are you calling me Grandpa?"
"Because I couldn't find it yesterday."