INS jokes
The barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.
How do you stop your newspaper from flying away in the wind? -- Use a news anchor.
Why did the strawberry cry? -- Because his mother was in a jam.
Two fish are in a tank. One says, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"
Where do cows keep their historical cultural artifacts?
In the mooseum.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? -- Because the octopus was well armed.
Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse," says the first.
"Moo!" says the second.
How do trees get online? -- They just log in.
What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? -- Well, the flag is a big plus.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? -- The tea bag stays longer in a cup.
Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.
I can't stand being in a wheelchair.
Why can't you starve in the desert?
Because of all the sand which is there.
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.
Why couldn't the whistleblower leave his house?
He was snowed in.
Two silk worms got in a fight. It ended in a tie.
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
"Yeah, that's the one!"
I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks.
I didn't want to interrupt her.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."
Why does the blonde stand in a corner when she's cold?
Because it's 90 degrees.