INS jokes
I can't stand being in a wheelchair.
Why can't you starve in the desert?
Because of all the sand which is there.
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.
Why couldn't the whistleblower leave his house?
He was snowed in.
Two silk worms got in a fight. It ended in a tie.
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
"Yeah, that's the one!"
I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks.
I didn't want to interrupt her.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."
Why does the blonde stand in a corner when she's cold?
Because it's 90 degrees.
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.
Which makes me an eighth-theist.
Russian history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."
Where did Noah keep his bees? -- In the ark hives.
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the sequence 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3? -- Because Yoda was in charge of the sequence.
Apparently, Monica Lewinsky didn't vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.
What's the difference between America and a bottle of milk?
In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.
9 out of 10 Americans are stupid... I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records. -- Then the librarian told me to take it out.
Why did 10 die? -- He was in the middle of 9/11.
Why do Mexicans always cross the border in twos?
Because the sign says "No Tres passing."