INS jokes
Max likes his girls like he likes his wine. 7 years old and locked in his basement.
Yo mama got a daughter in a relationship, and I don't have time for you, ASAP, daughter, daughter, or your mother, or your call, or your choice of choice.
Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.
How did I know where you would go next?
Oh, I felt it in my bones!
A 13 year old girl is having a sleepover. One of her friends asks, "When was the last time you had an orgasm?" She replies, "3 days ago." Dad comes bursting in, "I KNEW YOU WERE FAKING LAST NIGHT!"
What's the difference between a baby and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't scream when I put my meat in it.
I once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, "They're all dead hookers once they're in the trunk."
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.
How are a woman and a car alike? Put something in them and they'll both start.
What's the similarity between women and car parking spaces? The good ones are always taken, and sometimes when nobody's looking, you slip in the disabled one.
What do you do after you eat the softest pussy in the world?
Put the diapers back on.
How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...
22 ants were playing football in a saucer.
One ant said to another one, “We'll have to play better tomorrow. We're playing in the cup!”
Helen Keller fell down a well. She screamed and screamed until she was blue in the hands.
He told me that he was in a wheelchair, and I asked, "Oh, wheely?"
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect 4 in only three moves.
How do you cut ancient Rome in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
Why does Trump always ensure he has a second pair of pants with him every weekend?
In case he gets a hole in one.