INS jokes
I adopted a dog. It's gone now.
At least homeless people in China are not starving.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light.
You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?
European.
What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?
Realizing you only put in 4.
How many Russians does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know, they just keep Putin them in.
Two fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and asked: "Hey, how do you drive this thing?"
What do you call a white man in court?
SUPERIOR!
My heart is like a plane.
It crashes every once in a while.
What’s worse than giving women rights?
Having them. In the first place.
Why do Down's kids blend in in geometry?
Their foreheads are angled.
How do you make a cat go "woof"?
... douse it in gasoline and set it on fire! "woof!"
A 90 year old man takes a Viagra.
Strips off naked, lies down in an alley way. Three chicks walk on by: a blond, a brunette, and a red head.
The red head said, "I'm not letting that go to waste," so she strips off and rides him. When she's finished,
The brunette then strips off naked and rides him. The blond's now worried because she just got her period. The red head sez, "He's dead. Don't let it go to waste," so she strips off naked and rides him. Then he wakes up. He then says, "Wow, two jump starts and a blood transfusion. I'm good to go!"
If you want a joke, look at yourself in the mirror!
Q: Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?
A: So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!
A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat. He is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with, "What do you mean? I already did it." Then the police ran back to the school to apprehend the other people he was planning it with. The cops busted in through the doors, which caused a smoke trap to go off, which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear, the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles, 4 per pole. Back at the station, holding the kid being apprehended, the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said, "Aww, it pays to be lazy!"
What's the difference between Jesus and the baby in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.
What’s the difference between a dumpster full of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What do you say when you see an apple dancing in a talent show?
He's got some "sweet" moves!
What's worse than a baby in a trash can?
A trash can in a baby.
What's bright red and screams when you shake it? A skinned baby in a bag of salt.