INS jokes
A man is out west driving and on the edge of town comes across a tourist stand and sitting in front is an Indian chief right out of central casting. Dour look, full headdress, a glass jar and a sign that says "Indian chief know all! $5". So the fellow's curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the chief, puts $5 in the jar and asks "What did I have for breakfast on this day 10 years ago?" Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Hmmm eggs. You had eggs!"
"Eggs?" shouts the guy "Everybody has eggs! I've been had!" throws his hands in the air and leaves in a huff.
Ten years on, as fate would have it the fellow has occasion to be driving through the same town and sure enough he comes across the same stand, Indian chief, sign, and jar. So he stops the car and saunters across the road, goes up to the chief like a smart-ass, holds up his hand and says "How". Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Poached."
There is a kid in my class who is allergic to peanuts. He says he's gay. He can't be though... he's allergic to nuts!
A man takes his dog out and steps in shit. He exclaims "WHAT THE DEUCE!"
Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.
Two cows standing in a paddock, one says, "Moo." The other turns to him and says, "I was just going to say that!"
The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
See you later, crocodile.
In a while, pedophile.
I got pranked so many times. Once I saw two wheels rolling down the street. I heard this noise. I looked behind me. There's a legless man in a wheelless chair screaming, "HELP! I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!" but I walked away. I knew it was a prank.
The two biggest dyslexic guy lies: "My check is in your mouth," and "I won't come in your mailbox."
Me walking in to the office:
Principal: Tell me, what did you do?
Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...
Why does it take three women with PMS to screw in a lightbulb?
IT JUST DOES!!!!
What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?
Reload... chhchhhh.
What do you do during a shooting? Why, join in, of course...
What do you say to a 1 legged hitch hiker?
Hop in!
Poopies in my undies.
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!
What did the beachgoers in North Carolina say when there was a tsunami?
Nothing, they died.
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day, and the teacher was talking about life. The teacher asked him, "Little Johnny, how do you want your wife to be like?" Little Johnny answered, "Like the moon." The teacher said, "That's such a beautiful answer because it's calm and peaceful." Little Johnny replied, "No, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning."
Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)
Just because you have a career in the North doesn't mean you are North Korean.