INS jokes
Who are cats going to vote for in November? Hillary Kitten.
Who are cats going to vote for in November? Hillary Kitten.
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
He was stuck in the crack.
Did you hear about the new German microwave? It has ten seats in it.
How much do the bones in your body weigh?
A skele-ton!
What’s the point in a cow going to the cinema? To be a-moo-sed!
Where in hell is Lee Harvey Oswald now when we need him?
"Ya tryna run? Hop in the van."
Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.
Nutted in her braces, now my kids are behind bars.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
"Muffin Man, Muffin Man, he's gonna rape you in his van."
A child has diarrhea and asked his mom for a Viagra. "Why in the world do you want that?" she asked him. He looks at her and says, "Well, that's what you gift dad when his shit won't get hard."
Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.
What did one butt cheek say to the other? “Between you and me, it stinks in here!”
Why did Oliver have no friends?
His last name was Clothesoff, and all the other kids would get in trouble whenever they would ask to play with Oliver Clothesoff.
Dirty Joke: A boy fell in the mud.
Clean Joke: He took a bath with bubbles.
Dirty Joke: Bubbles was the girl next door.
A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"
A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship's wheel in his pants.
The bartender asks, "What's with the wheel in your pants?"
The pirate replies, "Yarrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"
I’ll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I’ll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!