INS jokes
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have pockets. I’m
Where were the first French Fries 🍟 made?
In Greece.
What do bicycles and slaves have in common? They both use chains to work.
Spanish is difficult. When my mom gives me food, she says "toma," and that's drink in English, so I always drink my food.
Have you ever stepped in Stephen Hawking's house?
Neither has he. 😂😂
My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!
Why do people say "cheese" in a camera?
Because they were using the computer.
Why did the moth nibble a hole in the carpet?
He wanted to see a floor show.
What does my head and hell have in common?
They both have demons in them.
Why are elephants 🐘 so responsible?
Because they keep their belongings in the trunk.
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
I have WWII in my blood since my great-grandfather killed Hitler.
When your mum tells you to help your granny.
And you unplug life support!
When your mum tells you to help your granny And you in plug life support.
What do women and moldy bread have in common?
A yeast infection.
What name is easy to say in Spanish?
Marissa!
Why was the giraffe late to work?
Because it got caught in a giraffic jam.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
Because it has a silent “p.”
What do they use in communion when they run out of bread?
Doughnuts, because they're holy.
What can read 105 stories in ten seconds?
New Yorkers.