INS jokes
My happiest moment in life was getting a positive grade on my H.I.V. test without studying.
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: Seeing others happy.
Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?
Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.
Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.
Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...
Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?
Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".
Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees?
Bc they're good at it.
Where did the chef put the disease?
In Ebola.
Sex dolls are alive in the Toy Story universe.
symple: Why did you include me in this fuckery?
symple: And why the fuck am I the profile picture?
angela: Because you are the thot of the group.
symple: Well it takes one to know one.
symple: Aren't Thot jokes just "whore'able?"
angela: FUCK OFF!
So, me and my friend dressed as dead people for Halloween. The only difference in the costume was that he was actually dead.
I bought my spoiled brother a trampoline for his birthday, but he decided to sit in his wheelchair like a little bitch.
My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again.
So I was watching TV, right? Then I f***ing got banged in the eye with either a remote or metal tongs. "WTF?"
I like my wine like how I like my women: 10 years old and locked in a basement.
An apple walked into the clinic.
The doctor asked what his favorite color was.
The apple said "red." :)
What do you call two skeletons dancing in a tin can?
Noise!
What do you get when skeletons are dancing in a tin can?
Noise!
Jeffy: I need a new butt. My old one has a crack in it.
Why are orphans not allowed in stores?
Because else they would actually feel at home.
Boi, you can't be talking because if someone punched you in the face, you will be the one to apologize.
Boi, you can't be talking because if someone punched you in the face, you will be the one to apologize.
Man: What's up?
Me: I'm annoyed.
Man: Why?
Me: I stole my gf's heart.
Man: So why are you annoyed?
Me: Everyone else in the surgery room gave me weird looks.
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window, and jumps out.