INS jokes
Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar? They don't have Father's or Mother's Day.
Why does the orange 🍊 beat the other fruits 🍎 in every race?
Because it never runs out of juice.
Why was there a box in a church? Because there was a funeral.
Why can’t orphans get in trouble?
Because there’s no one to give a phone call home to.
What is the funniest hill in the world called? Hill-arious!
Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.
When you're Russian to the bathroom, and when you're finished you're from Finland, what are you when you are IN the bathroom?
European.
Why do orphans love having sex?
Because they can finally call somebody "daddy."
What do you call dolls in a line?
Barbie queuing.
My friend said, "Dude, if you don't put your desk in line with the column, you're gay." So he did it, and I said, "Well, I guess now he's straight." ;D
A priest is drowning in a river. A boat comes along and asks to help him. He says, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day another boat came along and asked to help him. Again he said, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day the last boat came and asked to help him. Once again he told the boat that God will save him. The next day he died. He went to heaven and asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God said, "I sent you three f***ing boats and you didn't take them!"
Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.
Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.
Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.
Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.
Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)
How do pedophiles follow the law?
They drive it slow in the school zone.
Living in Houston, Texas, and realizing that hurricanes are an annual threat, my ex-wife called me and asked what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer? Take the 610 loop, dear!
This man walks into a bar and says, "How do I get service here?"
The assistant bar attendant tells him to take a seat as the bartender will be there to serve him shortly. After 2 minutes, the man says this is ridiculous, that he has to wait. The assistant then offers him a bar snack of free nuts, which the man duly eats. Another 2 minutes go by, and the man then says, "OK, I get it, no service of beer, but free nuts," to which the assistant says, "Hell no, the game starts in 10 minutes." Everyone laughs and claps.
What goes in and takes a while to come out?
What do you call numbers that don’t stay in place?
Roamin’ Numerals.
How do we know Stephen is dying in hell?
There’s a stairway to heaven.
There are more genders than there are cars in a Walmart parking lot.
I'm in school right now, but I'm on an airplane.