INS jokes
A young woman goes for her first gynecological exam, and the nurse has her take off her clothes, put on a gown, and get in the stirrups. She tells her the doctor will be in in a minute.
The doctor comes in and tells the young lady that she has one of the most beautiful vaginas he’s ever seen, and he has seen a lot of them. She thanks him for the compliment. He tells her he is about to start the examination, but he is going to have to numb her first, when she says ok, he goes:
"Num num num num num!"
I saw a cat. It said, "Raisin" when he saw a nut. Hahaha, I am a crappy joker. Put me in the nerd club.
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, “Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, “Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?”
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, “It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, it is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.”
In India, 3 things are wide and far everywhere, but no one admits: racism, sexism, and Sunny's jism.
What is the biggest candy in the world?
Candy Borobudur.
Who's the cutest president in the world?
Kim Jong Un, chh💕💕💕
"MERCURY INSURANCE, come to our office in Mercury."
911, what's your emergency?
Me: My grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she's dead.
Well, it's not a living room anymore.
Me: Hangs up.
Why do nuns go around in pairs?
So one nun makes sure the other nun doesn't get none!
What did Melania ever see in Donald Trump?
$2 billion and high cholesterol.
When you're going to Titanic: It's the best ship in the world.
When you know it's sinking: It's the poor ship!
What is the difference between cremation and smoking?
While you are smoking, you don't go up in smoke.
Q. What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? A. Same middle name! 😂
What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't follow you after you put a load in it.
Stephen Hawking walked in a bar...
Just kidding.
Why isn't there much honey in Brazil?
Because there's only one B in Brazil.
A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.
On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."
On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.
Why is mercury like everything else in the world?
Because it gives you cancer.
Why is it that when I'm in school doing PE, it's fine for someone to say "boys against girls", but the moment I say "blacks against whites" I'm the bad guy?
While I was walking on the road, a cat crossed my road, and 5 min later I found it fell in the gutter.