INS jokes

Why does an orphan only have 363 days in a year?

Because they don’t have mothers and Father’s Day!

Can I put my baaaaalls in yo jaaaaaaws?

If I fall in love with my depression, maybe it'll leave me too.

(Took this from my other account @Toby :) btw)

Why is the queen in chess the most powerful piece? Because the board looks like a kitchen floor.

Did you know victims of 9/11 are fast readers?

They went down 100 stories in 4 seconds.

I made this one up myself just now.

Stephen Hawking would be a good pilot because the aircraft would be the first to take off and land in autopilot.

What do Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?

Both fly around Uranus and wipe out Klingons!

What is an orphan's favorite quote in Star Wars?

"I am your father."

Have you heard of the Xbox game Sea of Thieves?

See if these nuts fit in your mouth.

I was in school yesterday and I saw this emo kid with a new cut, so I said, "I like ya cut g." And I slapped him. I don't know why I got in so much trouble. All I did was slap his wrist.

Roses are red, violets are purple, lay in my bed so I can suck your nurple.

"Balls in Jack, Jack has balls in his mouth."

Why do orphans always have water in their cereal? Because the dad never came back with the milk.

1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.

2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.

3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.

4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.

5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.

7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.

8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.

9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.

10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?

11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.

12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.

You're so ugly that everytime you look up in the sky, God says, "Sorry, can't help you."

You're so ugly that every time you look up in the sky, God says, "Sorry, can't help you."

Maybe if I fall in love with my depression, it'll leave me too.

When I called the suicidal hotline in Iraq, they asked if I could drive the car.

This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"

This ole boy that's locked up called his ole lady and got into it with her, and she said, "Well, fuck you, I don't need you no more anyway. I got 2 or 3 guys out here wanting me and trying to fuck me."

He said, "Well, honey, that's the least of my worries. I got 10 or 12 guys in here tryin' to fuck me."