INS jokes
My mom is in the FBI. My dad is in the FBI. My sister is in the FBI. My brother is in the FBI. And do you know what I am?
Divorced.
Why does that kid have to stay in that orphanage?
He should just go to his mom and dad!
Why do homeless people commit crimes?
They get a bed in jail.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
The 9/11 victims. They went through 200 stories.
What do girls and rocks have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
Cousins on the streets means lovers in the sheets. 😂👀
I asked a girl I met if I could take her out to dinner.
The joke is I knew right after she said, "I'll call you," she was lying to me, not surprised even a little.
The next joke was a part of me hoped she would call, but did I really think she was going to? I'll never be good enough for anyone, what was I thinking, why did I even bother to ask her in the first place? I think it was just to prove I was right, I'm unwanted.
LONELINESS EQUALS SADNESS.
What do you call a war dodo named Bob in WW2 and he came from Mars?
Bruno Mars.
Why does Michael Jackson do positions with kids in photos? Because they won’t do the same for him.
What is money called in space?
Star bucks.
Why is it painful to have your attorney with you in the hospital?
The damages are severe.
Q: What do you call a nun in a pool? A: A bath bomb.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
What can’t orphans do in baseball? Go to home.
Why are Michael Jackson and caviar so much in common?
They both come on little white crackers.
What do a blonde chick and a turtle both have in common?
When they're on their backs, they're screwed.
What do a blonde chick and a field of wheat have in common?
They're both bound to get plowed at some point in time.
A woman has been raped by a man. She calls the police, and a policeman shows up.
Woman: "Please help, officer! I have been raped!"
Officer: "No problem, ma'am, I will just unrape you."
Woman: "What? Unrape me? How?"
Officer proceeds to bring back the rapist and forces the woman to rape the rapist back in order to cancel out the initial rape.
I like my dates like I like my wine...
Locked in a cellar and aged for 12 years.
One tonsil said to the other tonsil, “We must be in San Juan Capistrano, here comes another swallow.”