INS jokes
Why does an orphan only have 363 days in a year? Because they don’t have mothers' and Father’s Day.
An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."
The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"
"Nein," said the old man.
So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.
There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.
A family put their kid and their dog in an orphanage but came back for only the dog.
One dark stormy night when I was 8 years old, I woke up in the middle of the night busting to pee. Half asleep, I walked down the stairs and toward the bathroom and heard a strange whirring sound that sounded like a ghost. When I opened the door, I felt a strange cool breeze and the light came on automatically, and the ghostly sound stopped. Terrified, I did what I had to and went back to bed.
The next 3 nights, the same thing happened, and finally, I decided I had to tell my mom no matter how hard to believe it sounded. The next night I woke up, I went into my parents' room and woke my mom up and said, "You have to come with me and see this, it's really important." Half asleep, she murmured, "Oh, what is it? Can't it wait until the morning?" I pleaded, "No, you have to come see, our bathroom is haunted by a ghost. When I go in the middle of the night, I can hear a ghost sound. Then when I open the door, I feel the cold as it swoops through me, and the light comes on automatically." She yawned and said, "Oh, so that's who's been peeing in the refrigerator."
So, once upon a time, there was a man who lived in his house with his wife.
He got up to go out to work and closed the front door behind him.
Not even four seconds later, he came back inside panicking, saying, "There's a rabbit with a gun outside!"
The wife replied, "Oh, don't worry, rabbits don't have guns. They can't shoot people; you must be imagining things."
The man calmed down for a few minutes, and after some reassuring, he eventually decided to try to go back out to work again.
So he stepped outside the front door, and the rabbit shot him.
So, a kid is taking a test, and the paper says, "In a pink bungalow, there's a pink fridge, a pink bed, a pink TV, and a pink cat. What color are the stairs?"
So the kid answers pink, like the idiot he is.
Top 1 best football player 🏈 in the world.
“The guy who tackles the Make-A-Wish kid!”
What do Hiroshima and Nagasaki share in common with balls?
They both drop.
The Twin Towers were like a woman stuck in the washer machine. They both got freed.
What do JFK’s killer and a prostitute have in common?
“They both blow heads.”
Why is no one friends with Dracula? Because he's a pain in the neck.
What do you call nuts on a chin?
My penis in your mouth.
If there are 4 Mexicans in a van, which of them is driving?
None of them. Immigration service is.
Why are they called "breaking news" in the entire world?
Because they are breaking the whole entire news.
*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stockpiled "just in case".
The whole lot collapsed and buried him.
How do you start a fight in space?
"Comet me, bro."
What does an Irish bowler put in his hands to guarantee a wicket next ball?
A bat.
I looked up how fast cum shoots and it said 28 mph. That means that ejaculation is illegal in school zones!
Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan.
The tour guide said, "That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member." Well done Lewandisney!