INS jokes
Why shouldn't you get in a fight with a dinosaur?
You'll get jur ass kicked.
What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
What holds the sun ☀️ up in the sky?
Sunbeams.
I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home.
So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
Once there were three girls taking a walk in the mountains. One was a brunette, one was a redhead, and the other was a dumb blonde. They came to a cliff and the brunette said, "If you jump off that cliff and say what you want to be you will become it." So the brunette jumped off and said "falcon" and became a falcon. The redhead jumped off and said "eagle" and became an eagle. The dumb blonde ran, was about to jump, but tripped on a rock, and said "crap."
What do orphans, parents, and Nemo have in common?
Neither can be found.
Why does Apple logo depict 1 byte in the 21st century?
What's red and green and goes 100 miles per hour? A frog in a blender.
What do pedophiles and Xboxes have in common?
They both get turned on by kids.
What do emo kids and bats have in common?
They both hang from trees.
What does Nemo have in common with my dad?
They both can't be found.
When you go to a baseball game and they say, "Heads up!" and you put your head up, and the ball hits you in the head.
Your entire family tree must be a cactus, because everyone in your family is such a prick.
When you get home and see your parents with your grades in their hands.
Twenty minutes later, they're slapping you with the belt.
When your grades get mailed to your house when you expect to get them in school.
When you get home, your mom is there with the belt, going 1k miles per hour.
I asked my mother about her mom.
She said she was in a better place. After that, I asked her where that place is. She didn't know, so I sent her to a better place.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding only half a worm.
Charger: Yo, Phone.
Phone: Yeah?
Charger: Can I plug all in you?
Phone: Ayooo!
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.
Someone in London is stabbed every two minutes. Poor guy.