INS jokes
What does it say on Stephen Hawking's headstone?
R. I. P. Roll in Peace.
Who got shot in the head? JFK did!
Wipe your feet before entering, but in Stephen Hawking's case, it is "Wipe your wheels."
If you look up the word "wheelchair" in a dictionary, you will see a picture of Stephen Hawking.
I went home and I saw my friend kissing my sister. I said, "What’s going on?" They both told me that they’re going out with each other. I said, "Alright."
The next morning, I see my friend kissing my mom. I said, "What’s going here?" They both told me they’re going out with each other. Then my friend said to me, "I gave you 3 gifts. 1 gift, I’m your best friend. 2 gift, I’m your new brother-in-law. 3 gift, I’m your new stepfather." I felt so happy I had a friend that [is] looking out for me.
Most people my age have had sex. Not my fault I'm not able to fit in.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite line in Rambo?
"Don't push me."
There were ten in the bed and the little one said... "Roll over..."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
It's me. I can't get in because Stephen Hawking is in the way.
What does Stephen Hawking and a prostitute have in common?
They both charge.
Dick in my mouth.
Ok ok ok so 7 ate 9, but why was 10 scared? Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
Q: What does a slice of pizza and an F grade have in common?
A: They're both cheesy.
You know how 7 ate 9? Why was 10 scared? It's because he was in the middle of 9/11. 🤣
What would be the most heartbreaking scene in a dementia film? I forgor 💀.
What’s the worst song to play in front of a vegetable? “James Brown - Get on Up”
What’s the worst song to play in front of a handicapped kid? “Van Halen - Jump”
What's the worst song to play in front of a black man in Minneapolis? “I Can't Breathe - Juice Wrld”
Transgenders! Men in disguise!
In a thick Russian accent:
"Let's buy some vodka, pollute the earth with oil, and make insecure nuclear power plants that break all the time! Ah, yes. The mother land. A great place to be. Not like those stupid Ukrainian people who are living happy lives, they are crazy and need to die."
My friend's 4-year-old daughter made up this joke.
What kind of poo should you put in your hair?
Shampoo.
Your mom is so fat, when she swam in the sea, Wales came up to her and said, "We are family, even now you’re fatter than me."