INS jokes
If Bruce Willis (the guy in the Christmas movie Die Hard) dies of a Viagra overdose, would that mean he truly dies hard?
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a bulb?
None, because they all cry in the dark.
Did you know that the "f" in "orphans" means family?
Have you heard of Wendy's?
Yea, Wendy's nuts in you mouth.
I like my orphans how I like my wine, locked in my basement for ten.
What do a priest and a McDonalds have in common?
They both slide their meat in 10 year old buns.
Why did hockey wookie slap kissing Missy in the face? Because Huggy didn't get a kissy from Kissy Missy.
If you’re American when you go in the bathroom...
... and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European.
When you’re in India and you start hearing a tick, tick, tick, tick, you run!
Man, I am jealous of the victims of 9/11. They are the fastest readers, who went through 87 stories in 8 seconds.
What did the woman say to the man?
"Stop."
What did the man do?
Keep going.
FUCK MEN IN THE ARSE
I just figured out the "X" in Max stands for the button on Tinder every girl wants to press when they see him.
I would like to thank my favorite President Barack Obama. Sorry, Barack Obama and my uncle Obama bin Laden. I mean Osama bin Laden. Sorry, hummus in my throat.
Why did my dad bring a bomb vest to fit in with his Taliban brothers?
How do you spot a blind man in a nudist resort?
It's not hard.
Who is the best at musical chairs?
The kid in the wheelchair.
Why did the chiropractor go to jail? For not paying $75 in back taxes.
Q: Why aren't there any Walmarts in Afghanistan?
A: Because there's a Target on every corner.
My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."
What do Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie have in common?