INS jokes
What do you call a person on fire in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels!
Today we had a test on September 11th in school. I got a 9/11.
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.
Finish the lyrics in the comments-
iTs CoRn!
What do genders and the Twin Towers have in common?
There used to be two, now it’s a sensitive subject.
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown suit.
When you're watching "Gnomeo and Juliet 2" and your dad walks in on the gnome shaking his butt.
A penguin and a polar bear are sitting in a bathtub. The penguin asks the polar bear, "Hey, can you pass the soap?" The polar bear obliges.
A few moments later, the penguin asks, "Hey, can you pass the scrubber?" The polar bear does. Shortly after that, the penguin says, "Hey, can you pass the rubber ducky?"
The polar bear, beginning to become upset, turns to the penguin and says, "What do you think I am? A radio?!"
Why did the golfer change his pants?
Because he got a hole in one!
Why do most clips for automatic weapons have 32 bullets?
That's usually how many kids are in a classroom.
Do you know Candice?
Nope.
Candice dick fit in your mouth.
Do you know Mike Hawk? No, who is he? Mike Hawk in your MOUTH!
Why did the blind man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well.
Why can't you run with a pencil in the hallway? Because too many people got killed!
Hi! Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been so busy!!!! I miss y'all, though!
Why are vegetarians so good at giving head? Because they’re used to having nuts in their mouth.
After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,
Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"
[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.
Therapy - Expensive - Years of hard work - Emotionally draining - Tough to find
Screaming in the woods - Free - Immediate relief - Scares hunters enough to leave, therefore saving innocent animals - Potential to make friends with people who are also screaming in the woods.
Me: And this is the room I cry in.
Date: You've said that about every room.
Me: Correct!