INS jokes
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos.
Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You could say Kobe's career went up in smoke.
What did the North Tower say to the South Tower in summer?
"Are you ready for fall?"
Why is it easy to defeat America in Clash of Clans?
Because they have already got 2 towers down.
If you're American when you go in the bathroom and you're American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European.
My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?
Me: No.
Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.
How many skinny people can fit in a tub? I don't know; they keep slipping down the drain.
My friend entered a pun contest. He entered ten, figuring at least one of them would win, but no pun in ten did.
I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”
How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Follow the fresh prints.
What type of people think rape jokes are funny?
Only the coolest people in the world! I fucking love you guys 😂
Abortion clinics are kind of like NAZI gas chambers. Less people come out than go in.
People were deciding how to punish a terrible criminal, and one man came up with a great idea.
He sat him in a movie theater with no food at all and made him watch a 12 hour documentary about the country Hungary.
What’s the hardest thing about being a rapist? Fitting in.
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friendship group. I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
I got fired from my job at the bank today.
An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
My dad was in 9/11, that's rude, and he was a great pilot.
What do gay guys and priests have in common?
They are both gay in their own ways.
Q: How do you blind a woman?
A: You put a windshield in front of her.