INS jokes
Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?
That one friend: 11 - T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
"Suck me off, daddy, I'm doing homework."
"I had raped the game young, you can call it statutory." - Kanye West in 2009 (Forever with Drake, Eminem, and Lil Wayne)
What did the girl and the orphan have in common? Their parents weren't home.
What did they find in Jeffery Dahmer's apartment?
Jack in a box.
What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry.
Hi, my name is Uncle Joe, and I like kids in a way that makes their parents not trust me anymore.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire.
Now we call him hot wheels.
Yo mama so fat.
In Super Mario Galaxy, she was a fucking planet!
You know, it was so cold in D.C. the other day, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
I once got in trouble in the library for putting the women's right book in the fantasy section.
We forge the chains we wear in life.
Friends call me crack miser, whatever I snort. My brain starts to distort! I'll be in court.
I wanted to open a brothel in the monastery, but the slogan: "Fist some Christs" was, unfortunately, not so well received.
When I die, I’ll die in a trash can.
What do Americans and Rubik's Cubes have in common?
They both have a history of separating colors.
What do Jesus and a painting have in common?
They hang by nails.
Why is the white man in prison scarier than the black one?
The white one actually did it!
Why can't people in wheelchairs be gay? Cuz you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
Why did 10 die??
Because he was in between 9/11.