INS jokes
Walk up to the quiet kid and tell him to hang in there. Trust me, you won’t regret it.
What's black, white, and red all over?
A nun in a blender.
You look like a double dipped chocolate chip cliff flipped glazed charcoal slim jim Mr. clog hunch frap, no feet, 9 arms, 17 stomachs. You stepdad beat you with a wiffle ball bat. NBA Youngboy was in your bathroom spitting on you and now you got herpes on your left side cheek.
Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.
The jury: O.o
Me: *gets down on one knee*
Girlfriend: OMG, it's finally happening!
Me: *falls over*
Girlfriend: The poison is kicking in.
Who was in Paris?
I dunno, the title was censored.
What does an apple have in common with an emo kid?
Answer: They both hang.
You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in!
Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?
That one friend: 11 - T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
"I had raped the game young, you can call it statutory." - Kanye West in 2009 (Forever with Drake, Eminem, and Lil Wayne)
What did the girl and the orphan have in common? Their parents weren't home.
What did they find in Jeffery Dahmer's apartment?
Jack in a box.
What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry.
Hi, my name is Uncle Joe, and I like kids in a way that makes their parents not trust me anymore.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire.
Now we call him hot wheels.
Yo mama so fat.
In Super Mario Galaxy, she was a fucking planet!
You know, it was so cold in D.C. the other day, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
I once got in trouble in the library for putting the women's right book in the fantasy section.
We forge the chains we wear in life.