INS jokes
Your hairline looks like the inflation in America.
What do guns and gum have in common?
When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
What does the Catholic Church and Worstjokesever.com have in common?
They're both full of child groomers.
I got a detention because I told an emo kid to "hang in there."
We were watching a 9/11 documentary in class.
I started playing the Angry Birds theme song. That didn't fly well with people, the teacher yelled at me like a bomb, and I landed on the ground.
I was playing Fortnite with a kid, then I heard their emo sister in the background, and it sounded like they were playing Fortnite, too, with the pistol shot and all.
A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.
Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."
Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"
Demon: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it."
Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"
Guy: "Golly."
Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."
Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."
Guy: "Wow."
Demon: "You like to do drugs?"
Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."
Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"
Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"
Demon: "You gay?"
Guy: "Uh, no."
Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."
Random: What are your hobbies?
Me: Bullying kids in WhatsApp groups 💀
Why was the emo kid thrown out of the amusement park?
He kept cutting in line.
Your mom is a spy <3, just like in bed.
What do dropouts and Boeing 767s have in common?
They crash and burn.
What does a Rubik's cube and a penis have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
Why is 6 scared? Because 7 8 9.
Why is 10 scared? Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
Two people stood in one room. The first guy stared at the second.
First guy: “Sorry I had to punch you. It was a game, bro.”
Second guy: “Between me and you talking, there’s almost no PUNCH line. Hah!”
An orphan walked up to a baseball field, but a security guard said he couldn't come in because it was a home game.
What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?
Her miscarriage.
What do you call a strong, independent girl in Haryana?
Dead.
My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!
What starts with a P and ends in S? (hint: men have it and women want it). Pockets.
Why is the world split in half? Because fat people are weighing the Earth down.