INS jokes
What's one of the worst motivational things to say to a suicidal person?
“Hang in there!”
Jesus and Moses come back to Earth.
Moses says, "Let's go down to the ocean and see if I can do what I used to when I was here before." So Moses raises his arms and motions to part the waters. Sure enough, he is able to part the waters just as before.
Jesus quips, "Close the water, I'm going to try to do what I used to when I was here last." So Jesus walks out on top of the water, then sinks to the bottom. He crawls out pulling seaweed off of him. Moses says, "Hey, it's not your fault, you didn't have those holes in your feet before."
"Chelsea is the most consistent team.
One win in August, one win in September, and one win in October; it's just like a menstrual cycle.
If they don't win in November, just know that they're pregnant." 😅
Having cockroaches in the house is a sign that you've food.
These things are like Ugandan girls, they hate poverty.
I am sure this was the type of economy Judas Iscariot was in when he betrayed Jesus.
Tell rumors about me, but please don't say I'm in a love relationship.
I went to find someone to fuck in the streets for money, and I found a prostitute, but then she raped me. After she said it was amazing and instead let me push.
What to do when you're bored? Punch an orphan in the face. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
What does Michael Jackson and maths have in common? They're both hard for kids.
Look for the Gummy Bear album in stores on November 13th, with lots of music, videos, and extras!
Hey, I never knew we had a planet in our body!
What do Michael Jackson and math have in common? They are both hard for kids.
"I met a girl and she's 28."
"Now I'm the coolest guy in all of 8th grade."
- AJR
I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.
I got in trouble today because I threw a lamp at the emo kid and said, "Lighten up!"
Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."
I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.
What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?
A boner.
If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.
Yo mama so fat, when she jumped in the ocean, the whales said, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me!"