INS jokes
Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.
The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.
The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."
The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"
"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."
"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"
"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."
"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"
"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."
"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"
I put the fun in funeral.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
Pussies and tits have one thing in common: they're both made for kids, but men end up licking or suckling them.
What can orphans not do in school?
God, you’re having a good day?
Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.
What do you call two black lads in gold?
A Twix.
Why can't an orphan get 5 stars in GTA? Because they are not wanted.
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
What's brown and in a baby's diaper?
Michael Jackson's hand.
There's a new Michael Jackson biopic in the works. There is a possibility that we will know who his love interest was.
What we know so far: Billie Jean is not his lover, and that kid [seen with him] is not his son. We also know that Michael Jackson said that sharing his bed with little boys is "healing" and an act of "sharing the love," so take that as you will.
When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomach?
Hey kids, guess who started a micronation?
It’s Barney and Trump. They don’t let gays in, but they kill them.
I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.
You twin towers because I'm tryna ram in you tonight.
No, it's not just a crotch grab. Jacko was jacking it on stage when he saw a 6-year-old boy in the front row.
what does an orphanage and a hospital have in common?
people go there to fix their mistakes.
I could have sworn while watching anime I saw an American Boeing B-29 Superfortress in the background dropping bombs!
According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form consists of only four lines:
1. What was your income for the year?
2. What were your expenses?
3. How much have you left?
4. Send it in.