Infant jokes
So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”
What do you do when your baby starts screaming?
Use more lube.
Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby out the window?
He was airing his blanket.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
What is red and cries and spins around and around?
- A baby in a microwave.
What's worse than a baby in a trash can?
A trash can in a baby.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.
What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
What starts with the letter M, ends with -arriage and is a man's favorite thing? Miscarriage. That joke never gets old, just like the baby.
What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?
They both make noise when you throw them.
My 2 year old Asian baby cant do calculus Look who in sweatshop now
What's the difference between an onion and a baby?
One makes you cry when you cut it up.
Wanna hear something bad? A pile of dead babies.
Wanna hear something worse? The one at the bottom is still alive.
Wanna hear something worse than that? He has to eat his way out.
Wanna hear something that's the worst? He comes back for seconds.
What gets louder as it gets smaller? A baby in a trash compactor.
What's worse than ten babies nailed to one tree?
One baby nailed to ten trees.
What’s the best way to get a baby out of a blender? Tortilla Chips.
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies.
What's worse than that?
The baby at the bottom of the pile is still alive.
What's worse than that?
The baby at the bottom of pile is eating its way out.
Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.
What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?
One of them is really loud when you iron it.
What's better than swinging a baby around on a rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.