Infant jokes
How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2
-Harpoon it.
What do you call a dead baby?
Spawn killed.
What do you do when your baby starts screaming?
Use more lube.
Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby out the window?
He was airing his blanket.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
the baby
What is red and cries and spins around and around?
- A baby in a microwave.
What's worse than a baby in a trash can?
A trash can in a baby.
What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?
They both make noise when you throw them.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.
How many babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
More than 10, since my basement's still dark.
What’s the best way to get a baby out of a blender? Tortilla Chips.
What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
What starts with the letter M, ends with -arriage and is a man's favorite thing? Miscarriage. That joke never gets old, just like the baby.
What's the difference between an onion and a baby?
One makes you cry when you cut it up.
Wanna hear something bad? A pile of dead babies.
Wanna hear something worse? The one at the bottom is still alive.
Wanna hear something worse than that? He has to eat his way out.
Wanna hear something that's the worst? He comes back for seconds.
What's worse than ten babies nailed to one tree?
One baby nailed to ten trees.
What gets louder as it gets smaller? A baby in a trash compactor.
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies.
What's worse than that?
The baby at the bottom of the pile is still alive.
What's worse than that?
The baby at the bottom of pile is eating its way out.
Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.
Q. What's the biggest cause of infant drownings? A. Postpartum depression.