Infant jokes
How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2
-Harpoon it.
What do you call a dead baby?
Spawn killed.
What do you do when your baby starts screaming?
Use more lube.
Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby out the window?
He was airing his blanket.
What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
What's worse than a baby in a trash can?
A trash can in a baby.
What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?
They both make noise when you throw them.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.
What’s the best way to get a baby out of a blender? Tortilla Chips.
How many babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
More than 10, since my basement's still dark.
What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make noise when you throw them.
What starts with the letter M, ends with -arriage and is a man's favorite thing? Miscarriage. That joke never gets old, just like the baby.
What's the difference between an onion and a baby?
One makes you cry when you cut it up.
Wanna hear something bad? A pile of dead babies.
Wanna hear something worse? The one at the bottom is still alive.
Wanna hear something worse than that? He has to eat his way out.
Wanna hear something that's the worst? He comes back for seconds.
What gets louder as it gets smaller? A baby in a trash compactor.
What's worse than ten babies nailed to one tree?
One baby nailed to ten trees.
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies.
What's worse than that?
The baby at the bottom of the pile is still alive.
What's worse than that?
The baby at the bottom of pile is eating its way out.
Q. What's the biggest cause of infant drownings? A. Postpartum depression.
Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.