Infant jokes

What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?

They never get old.

A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.

I was gonna tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.

I got a pen for my baby sister. Best trade I made so far.

An orphan's first word would be "orphan keeper."

How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them. -Hope Marie Lawson

What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One is a refreshing summertime snack; the other one is a watermelon.

what do you call a baby in an oven?

my next meal.

I was going to tell a joke about babies, but I decided to abort.

Why wasn't the infant's entire body found?

Because the limbs are scattered around 43°17.7355’N, 113°58.4205’W.

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?

You nail its other hand to the ground.

What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make noise when you throw them.

What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher?

An erection.

What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas?

AIDS.

What is red and goes 200 miles per hour?

A baby in a blender.

How do you stop a baby from drowning?

-Lift up your foot.

What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?

I take off my boots when I jump on a trampoline.

What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?

One of them is really loud when you iron it.

Trying to make a baby talk is like trying to negotiate with North Korea.

How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2

-Harpoon it.