Infant

Infant Jokes

Priest

Where do babies get baptized?

So the priest can wash their sex toys.

Baby

What is red and cries and spins around and around?

- A baby in a microwave.

Death

What's 2ft long, blue, and stiff and keeps a woman up all night?

Cot death.

Baby

What did the deaf, dumb, blind, paraplegic, autistic baby get for Christmas? AIDs.

Baby

My 2 year old Asian baby cant do calculus Look who in sweatshop now

Bowling Ball

What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?

A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.

Baby

I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby.

Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.

Baby

Why can't you fool an aborted baby?

Because it wasn't born yesterday.

Baby

What is red, pink, and goes round and round?

A baby in a blender.

What is green, brown, and goes round and round?

The same baby 3 weeks later.

Grenade

What does a gas grenade and a baby have in common?

They both squeal when you throw them.

Baby

So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”

Orphan

What's the difference between a newborn baby and an orphan after a rugby match?

They both come out bloody and crying, but at least one gets picked up.

Dog

How are infants and chocolate alike? They'll both kill your dog.

Baby

What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?

Catching it with a pitchfork.

Baby

what's worse than a baby in a trash can? A baby in two trash cans.