Infant jokes
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown suit.
Q. What do you call a baby born six months early?
A. A miscarriage.
What's better than 5 babies in one dumpster?
1 baby in 5 dumpsters.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how many you throw.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby? The baby is still alive.
What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
I take off my boots when I jump on a trampoline.
What cries, is red, and is a pokey boi?
The baby you just feed nails to.
What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
What's worse than a baby in a trash can?
A baby in 10 trash cans.
How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them. -Hope Marie Lawson
What's worse than one dead baby in a trash can?
One dead baby in ten trash cans.
Most people smother babies with love.
I smother them with pillows.
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
-Lift up your foot.
What is the worst thing about licking a bald fanny?
Putting the nappy on afterwards.
What's red and white and lives in a blender?
A baby.
Wanna hear something bad? A pile of dead babies.
Wanna hear something worse? The one at the bottom is still alive.
Wanna hear something worse than that? He has to eat his way out.
Wanna hear something that's the worst? He comes back for seconds.
What's stiff and 6 inches long?
SIDS.
What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato? About 140 calories.
Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God, it's so cute!"
Also me: "Throw it."
What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.