Infant jokes
What's stiff and 6 inches long?
SIDS.
What's more fun than nailing a baby to the floor?
Ripping it off with a kick!
What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby?
I don't jizz on an apple before eating it.
You can't call yourself a baby boomer if you have never detonated an infant.
What's cold, blue and makes women cry?
Cot death.
the baby
I make baby mush.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Well, it depends how hard you can throw.
Q: What do you call a baby in a vegetative state?
A: A tater tot.
What do you call a baby on the battlefield?
Free shield!
"Knock knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Baby!"
"Baby who?"
"Do you want to eat this baby that I have prepared?"
"No thanks, I already ate."
What's the difference between a newborn baby and an orphan after a rugby match?
They both come out bloody and crying, but at least one gets picked up.
What’s the difference between a dumpster full of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What's the difference between a pair of jeans and an African baby?
A pair of jeans only has 1 fly.
What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?
Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.
Person 1: Why did you put the baby feet first into the blender?
Person 2: To see his facial expression. Why else?
What's worse than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
My infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? One, you just need to throw it hard enough.
What's worse than five babies stapled to one tree?
One baby stapled to five trees.
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown suit.