Im jokes

Neona: Gwen! I got the job!!!!!!!!!

Gwen: I knew it! I knew my prayer worked!

Neona: He said that all my ideas are the best and that I start on Monday!

Gwen: Man, don't you love Mr. Jaekson? He is the best person the company has ever had!

Neona: Who is Mr. Jaekson?

Gwen: Wait... Mr. Jaekson didn't interview you?

Neona: No! Mr. Smith did. He said he was standing.

Gwen: No, Mr. Smith, you are a fool who never lets you spread the word or do anything. I can also mention that he is a person who has sexual problems!

Neona: Gwen, you are a liar!

Gwen: No, I'm not. I'm telling the truth, Neona!

Neona: Gwen, please be happy that I got the job without you lying that Mr. Smith sexual assaults women!!!

Gwen: He does, you're not listening.

Neona: I don't care, BITCH!!!!

I'm bored in class. Anyone wanna chat?

Hey guys,

I'm starting to think they don't have any candy in this van...

I'm a poor Indian, please help me.

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”

“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”

"Jack and Jill run up the hill to have sex but in a text a sibling sayed I’m on a hill sleeping with a mex. foursome peace love and biches."

My grandpa said I'm too reliant on technology... so I screamed that he was a hypocrite and I unplugged his life support.

I was reading a book one day when I suddenly heard a sound. It was the Grim Reaper. I ignored it and continued reading my book. Suddenly, I realized that I was one of the main characters, which, at the end, dies.

I used to like fireworks, but I'm dead now. Fireworks look like a charm if you don't mind something a little ghostly.

What lies beneath your nose and is being picked on? Your boogers.

A mushroom walks into a bar and tries to hit on a blonde. When she turns him down, he goes to her and says, "C'mon, I'm a fun guy!"

Me: Okay, Papyrus. I'm no Sherlock Bones, but I'd say that Storyspin Sans is the Imposter.

Is your home the Twin Towers? Because I'm tryna crash!

Have you ever been accused of a crime you didn't commit? Well, I have! I was wrongfully accused of larceny yesterday. I'm not smart enough for that, I just stole some stuff.

I'm a big fan of white boards; they're remarkable.

My mom told me to recycle the trash. I guess I’m taking you for another bike ride!

A blind man walks into a bar and starts to swing his guide dog around his head. The bartender asks him nervously, "Are you okay?" The blind man replies, "Yeah, I’m just looking around!"

I went for a job interview today, and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible!"

Who's a pineapple? I'm a pineapple... Yass.

Teacher and kid.

Kid: Hey, teacher.

Teacher: Yes?

Kid: Would you punish me for something I didn't do?

Teacher: Of course not.

Kid: Well, I didn't do my homework!

A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."

I'm black, and I have a dying family in my basement that hasn't eaten in 2 weeks. They need help.

Btw, it's a joke lol.

I'm not going bungee jumping. I was born by broken rubber, and that's not how I'm going out.